i guess i’ve tried to teach myself that letting go is okay
to the point that sometimes i forget to hold on
i convince myself that this thread of a knot is enough
to keep me together
to keep us together
but i’m afraid it’s not
“an escape route
that’s what i need”
just a strong pull on this end and it all comes loose
because i don’t think i could survive another heartbreak
(but i tell myself that i would and i must)
instead i just keep my distance
letting you near
but not close

i don’t want that anymore
i want to be all in
i want to give my everything to you
i want to be swallowed whole
to no longer be afraid

i don’t want to be ruled by my past
my mistakes

i want you to be the only thing i see
i want to look into your eyes and see a future
a future that moves forward through the present 
without doubt 
to accept whatever may come
but know that what is now
is everything to me
and to cherish it wholeheartedly

because that’s what you deserve.